post 8

0101062026

i think I was just so ready to show someone
else my world that I created on my own,
in pride, but am still creating. And I wanted
someone who could see that all & just abso-
lutely know it couldn't not be in their life...
    It's irreplaceable...
    my little world...
I felt seen. At first, I was iffy.
    Then, I'll admit... I got 0000 000000.
whether that was intention or not. It was a lot.
I got everything I had ever wanted, at least on
the surface, and then so quickly, it was taken
away, but I'm still struggling because it was me
who was applying pressure & rushed it, from
the perspective of how I feel at the moment.
Each day, I gain more 0000000 and 00000000
to fully and actually walk away & accept
the change. Deep-transformation. Healthy.
balanced solitude.

I struggle now because I couldn't contain
then...
    00 walked out of one of my dreams...
    and a dream I had 0000 0000 000...
forever tucked away in a coal ball but then
lit ablaze and it was lit and now...
I will let the smoke from the flame dance
and I will put my hands & palms in the
soot. sign my name with it.
    The charcoal
    singeing materials from Earth
materials from Earth...

All I can see is that smile glistening
against those eyes.
    eyes illuminated from candles
        and silver metal plates & platters
    and
        roe

    giving me a bite
            give me a bite please!
    you wanted the bite...

we probably shouldn't have waited till
after 0000000 & 00000000 to have our
talk. Being away, & having 000 send
me all those messages, seeing 000 world,
    I got so flattered & impressed
        and I did let myself get attached.
Three weeks will do it for me and you and
        you...